After studying the covers of books and reading their synopsis and a number of reviews, I can literally tell before I open it, sometimes before I touch it, whether or not it’s worth it or it’s shit. The moment that I saw the cover of Twilight, I knew it wasn’t worth shit. Let people belittle my sixth sense. I don’t give a damn.

Sometimes you can’t tell anything from the cover of a book. But other times, especially as the market is becoming more and more predictable, not only can you read the cover, you get a “sensation” of what could possibly be going on within the pages.

Let’s read the cover of Twilight, shall we:

  • Pasty white hands—this book is about pretty white people with problems.
  • Apple—forbidden fruit, pop angsty, horny teenagers. The color red, interesting. (keeping in mind that I already knew this was YA book)
  • Title/background/white lettering—‘Twilight’, black background, gothic, pop angsty, vampires because ‘the freaks’ come out at night, of course

Stephanie Meyer, you are a decade too late to catch me up with this, honey. I stopped reading historical romance and YA/teen fiction a long time ago.

If such horrifyingly boring, overdone, rip-off Romeo/Juliet, abusive, macho, love-triangle bullshit can be derived from the books, then the books suck by my reckoning.

I literally fell asleep during every.single.movie. (watched online, free)

Me: Hey Shauna—wanna watch the rest of your favorite movie, Twilight? [we both fell asleep on them the night before]

My Sister: Heh. That’s funny. [walks away]

Wrap-Up:

  1. Neither of the leads in these movies can act. It’s painful to watch.
  2. I found it very metaphorical that there are so many scenes where we’re in Bella’s trunk and not only is she not driving, Edward at some point pops his pasty ass into the driver’s side window and takes the wheel from her. Bella’s entire life revolves around Edward or her rebound, Jacob.  Has no life and personality and it’s very frustrating to watch. I found this more offensive than anything else.
  3. So many of Bella’s scenes are in bed and/or with Edward. It’s like the rest cure in Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s “The Yellow Wallpaper”…only portrayed as romantic. When it’s really just creepy and disgusting.
  4. Why is Edward over 100-years old and stalking a teenage girl???
  5. We’re not even going to get into portrayals of POC in the films, but, for example, why are all the lycanthropes almost cookie-cutouts of each other, right down to what their wearing???
  6. Why are these vampires so old and yet they can’t control themselves over a little drop of blood???
  7. Stephanie Meyer came up with the concept of glittering vampires when she was staring at her cell phone jewel bling—I’m convinced.
  8. I don’t even want to start a commentary on why so many teens like Twilight. I don’t even want to start a commentary on why so many adults like Twilight, which might be worse. People hate that Harry Potter might someday be included in literary anthologies, or doubt that it will be. All I can say is that if this is the literature of future generations, then we need to be concerned about the world’s children.

WhatEva, I don’t have any more brain cells to waste on this.

Yours,

queen

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s