The Man of My Dreams

Elia's Diamonds

I think the romance genre is full to the brim with damn-near carbon copies of male-sexed characters. Personally I feel the need to do something different with my writing.

There’s a difference between writing ‘unrealistically’ (like corny, sexist, and/or overdone romance novels, half-baked or overcooked heroes, powerplay and cliche male characters, etc.) as opposed to conceptualizing realistically and idealizing a little. Its called originality.

None of my experiences with most men have been very positive. I admit that right off. Growing up in a single-parent household with my mother and two other siblings and not having met my father until I was eighteen, I believe, has prevented me from having one of those super daddy’s girl complexes and that it has disillusioned me to idealizing men romantically and seeing them as heroes or the means to my completion. I think I’m better to myself for it and I’m definitely not sitting on my ass waiting for some man to come and ‘complete me’. (Although sometimes I trick myself into thinking it would be nice from time to time–fleeting fancy.)

Its not that I don’t believe in soulmates; I believe that two or more people can be more together than they are apart and it seems like some folks are just destined. I also believe, on the other hand, that there aren’t many people who actually need someone else to make them whole–they just think they do because that’s what they’ve been taught, especially young women and girls. Look at Sex in the City as a pop culture reference, which is totally several seasons of a group of white middleclass women looking to be ‘completed’.

As a artist who writes romantica, I believe that maybe the only reason the same type of men exist in such a quantity in the world and in literature is partly because we keep writing, acting, and speaking them into existence. If that’s only true in the smallest way, its still true. For writers, maybe if we ‘conceptualize’ realistically, as opposed to replicating archetypes of male-sexed characters, we can ‘sort of write them into reality’ in more of a variety.


Maybe this is just to airy and intellectual! This is all coming to me as I begin to write more gender queer male characters that I find very beautiful and attractive physically and in terms of personality and spirit.


Still lost? I’ll be brief then.

‘Man’ usually means something very specific and limiting. Maybe if we loosen, or dare I say, lose the concept of a ‘man’, we can move towards presenting a person, a human being, with a full range of emotions and experiences.

I think an ideal like this changes romance as we know it. Maybe romance writers are completely portraying male characters realistically but why should people with broader tastes than the usual brawny man-aristocrat-sensual-lover cutouts settle for the stuff the market is feeding us?


‘Erotica Vulgarity’–New Drop Down on the Menu Bar

Hi to all reading this, those who are new, and those who visit every now and again. There’s a new drop down on the menu bar, ‘Erotica Vulgarity’, which serializes my thoughts on using sexual language in erotic and romantic writing primarily and my challenges with it.

Why do I hesitate when I’m about to say something sexually explicit in a story even when it what the story calls for or what my character is thinking what she says? When is sexual language just tasteless and raunchy, or racist and fetishizing?

It’s not actually complete yet, but going ahead and posting it is helping me figure out how to break it up in parts. I will also be posting the entire article as well for those who just want the crash course. I haven’t even posted the most explicit parts yet.

The ‘Erotica Vulgarity’ section is EXPLICIT, DISCRETION IS ADVISED. Also, this section is under construction…check back for more.

ever more explicit,

Ms. Queenly

Le Cliche au France

[Originally posted to my new writing blog @ Cradle of Cicadas. Hope to get more of my creative writing posted there. I sometimes think I really don’t have the tact or patience for political writing so creative writing is really my forte.]

Artist’s Note: Recently I was thinking about a critique I wrote on the top ten things I just could not stand about Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series which I really enjoyed when I first started reading. Someone commented rather scornfully on the fact that I said that hearing French sometimes makes me almost literally ill in the same sentence that I “complained” about racism in the books. I can never make anyone understand why I feel the way I do or think the way I think because they are not me and have not lived my life.  That doesn’t stop me from writing.

Le Cliche au France

did you know? did you know?

they whispered sweet nothings

in the ears of slaves

promising revolution

to white sheets

instead of hands in the fields

and Black women whose

children sometimes

belonged to masters

who impregnated

unwilling bodies

with sensual tongues

and fondling hands

did you hear? did you hear?

Haiti the Horse

dropped her french master’s load

and demanded freedom

so he told her

in the world’s most romantic language

“of course you may have your independence

however you must pay me for the labor you have

taken from me”

the english that my mouth speaks

is called “dialect”

called broken

called uneducated

my english

isn’t really considered english

because it isn’t the queen’s

or plymouth rock’s

nor is it flowery

and nor does it roll its rrrr’s

or rise from the grave of antiquity

if it isn’t worth anything

then why is my tongue constantly

colonized by the color of white skin

and silenced

by mixed skin

and colored skin

they say french

is the most romantic language

the language of love

yet a french tongue

can still speak white

and speak hate

with chains and flowers

and bloody wine

its a well-documented history

in spite of the revolution

and I’m still a Black woman

wherever I happen to go

no matter who I’m talking to

so when french tongues speak

i may find it soft and pleasing on the ear

but i still get a little sick inside

and don’t think anything special

because i know that this tongue

has made me wear chains

just like the tongue of the colonizer

in my own mouth